So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
