I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
