i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
