We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
