The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
cat food counts as protein by the way
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
