just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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