Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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