She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
