Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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