So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
