left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
