this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
