why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
