I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
