While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
