so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
