I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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