I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
