i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
