That's intense
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
