Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
