god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
