I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
