I'm so fucking centered right now
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
