Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
