drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You are the jesus of drinking
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
