i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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