my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
