The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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