I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
