Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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