Will you blow on my dice?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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