What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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