The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
