found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
