My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
