I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize