my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
