Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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