last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
is wine microwaveable?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
