No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Come see our sink grown plant.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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