I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize