Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
