I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she pinky promised me she was 18
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
