I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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