my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
