Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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