iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
