I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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