The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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