he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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