i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
