Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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