You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
