walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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