He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
