can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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