Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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