I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
