Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize