Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
