Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize