I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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