I'm passing your future prison.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
