Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
