I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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