thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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