the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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