quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
